We Were Given Eyelashes for a Reason and it Wasn't Just to Keep Dust Particles Out of Your Eyeballs.

Note[s] to self:

1. Always use an eyelash curler. It will prevent potential ingrown eyelashes and also electrolysis on those eyelashes.

2. Do not over medicate your eyeball. It will only run down into the back of your throat causing you to wonder what the heck is happening and why does my throat taste funny. Then, because of course you overdosed at night, all the water you drink before bed will cause you to have to pee very very very badly in the middle of the night. And you will also gag. A lot.

3. You only have 30 days in the state of Oklahoma to register your new car. If not, the fine is $174.00. Glad I have 4 or 5 rows of eyelashes to bat at cops instead of the normal person's 2 or 3. I think they saved me from a hefty ticket.

4. Never ever ever ever ever ever watch a scary movie again. Especially not The Hills Have Eyes. It will make you cry, not because you are sad that everyone is dying, but because you have never been that scared in your life and sitting through a 2 hour blood and scary person festival is just plain torture for you. (Seriously, I sat in a fetus-like position with my head buried into my arms through the whole thing. It was that bad.... I mean horrible. Insanely, incredibly, horrendously bad). They (and by they I mean Justin) will make you have a massive heart attack before you even leave the theatre and the credits are still rolling. Talk about almost peeing on oneself and not being able to stop your hands from trembling. Man it sucked. Don't Do It Again.

5. Try to be a nicer person. It helps in the long run and you won't feel so embarrassed for throwing temper tantrums.

A Little About Vanties

The other night I decided to take a trip to Walmart with my parents to kill some time. It was pretty late but because we are all a bunch of night owls during the weekends so we got up and headed there anyway. When we got there I decided that I wanted some new underwear, although I normally buy mine at Victorias Secrets, I was up for a bargain Oklahoma Style. With that said, I basically had no clue what I was looking at or where to go for the kind I like.
So I find some that look like they would do the job well and while I am looking, I hear "Can I help you with zumpthing baby?" In a Russianish accent. I look up and smile at the woman who asked me and tell her no thanks, laughing to myself because she just called me baby in Russian. I ponder some more as to whether or not I should make the purchase or wait until I make another trip to Tulsa and here she comes, showing me tiger striped thongs for a dollar which, after a little hesitation, I politely declined. Finally, as I am looking a little longer and this time picking out my sizes, she comes up again and tells me that "Zees vantiez are great!". She then pulls zees vanties out of a plastic container that zeey were in and proceeds to show me zee crotch zupport. This is when I almost lost it and died laughing because no one has ever shown me crotch support before. And by the way... what the hell is crotch support for??? Pretty sure mine is right where it needs to be and I need no zupport.
After this I am giggling to myself and she decides to break some rules for me and let me mix and match! So I got some white ones and black ones and purpley-blue ones. Her reasoning for this was: "Who buys vanties the zame color? It'z just rediculouz. Jeezzuusss".
And I agreed. No one in their right mind would ever buy vanties in the same color. So I this is when I laughed a lot. Then she laughed in Russian a lot and disappeared around the corner as I mix and matched my vanties and promised I wouldn't tell on her for letting me commit such a horrible crime in order to gain different colored vanties with crotch zupport.

A Little Bit about Balls and Boobs

Turns out I work for a tall, nasty, low-life, greasy, alcoholic, corrupt, thief of a man and by the end of this week I should know whether or not I really can move into that apartment or not. That's all I am going to get into on here. But to relieve some of the stress I have been carrying this week I decided to round up the fam damily and eat out. Then my sister and I made a little trip to Best Buy where I purchased this cd and this cd. I also played this amazing game on PSP that let me kick some big huge guys ass in kickboxing. I won three rounds until we had to leave and each round I imagined he was certain people who piss me off on a regular basis. Of course the first person I imagined was the nasty, low-life, corrupt, thief of a man that I have been working for. Man I want to kick him in the balls. And maybe punch him in the nose but since he is pretty tall and I don't know if I really can reach his nose with my fist, I can settle for a good kick in the nuts. Then, one day I can tell my grandkids of the glorious moment that involved my foot making prompt and considerably hard contact with my boss's nutsack and how much it changed my life. The moral of the story will be that it is ok to kick boys in the private if they steal. Because our tax money pays for that kind of behavior and it just isn't fair. So we deserve to have a good kick every once in awhile.
Cassi and I were in Best Buy after my dad came and broke into my car with his Slim Jim (this was the third time I had locked my keys in my car, and it has only been this car. No other car has caused me to lose my mind so much that I actually forget to pull them out of the ignition. Although I really do like this car. I would rather have problems with forgetting then problems with my transmission not shifting gears on the highway) and we passed a Michael Buble cd. Now as you can see from my previous musical purchases, Micheal Buble does not fall under a category that I would like. Sure, he is talented and all. I mean I sure as hell can't sound and dance exactly like Frank Sinatra, but I just can't stand him and honestly if I would have gotten another round of kick boxing in I probably would have imagined it being him whose ass I was kicking.
So I look over and say to Cassi, "Hey, it's Michael Bubble". Then she says "Noooo Amanda. It isn't Bubble, it's Bublaaaay". I pondered this for a moment and said "You know what? I like that better because then I get to say boob and boob is my favorite word. BOOB BOOB BOOB." And everyone in Best Buy looked at us for a second with "did she just say boob?" looks on their faces and then went about their business of buying their Bare Nakes Ladies, Beyonce, and Michael Buble cds. Because we were on the 'B' aisle.