Note[s] to self:
1. Always use an eyelash curler. It will prevent potential ingrown eyelashes and also electrolysis on those eyelashes.
2. Do not over medicate your eyeball. It will only run down into the back of your throat causing you to wonder what the heck is happening and why does my throat taste funny. Then, because of course you overdosed at night, all the water you drink before bed will cause you to have to pee very very very badly in the middle of the night. And you will also gag. A lot.
3. You only have 30 days in the state of Oklahoma to register your new car. If not, the fine is $174.00. Glad I have 4 or 5 rows of eyelashes to bat at cops instead of the normal person's 2 or 3. I think they saved me from a hefty ticket.
4. Never ever ever ever ever ever watch a scary movie again. Especially not The Hills Have Eyes. It will make you cry, not because you are sad that everyone is dying, but because you have never been that scared in your life and sitting through a 2 hour blood and scary person festival is just plain torture for you. (Seriously, I sat in a fetus-like position with my head buried into my arms through the whole thing. It was that bad.... I mean horrible. Insanely, incredibly, horrendously bad). They (and by they I mean Justin) will make you have a massive heart attack before you even leave the theatre and the credits are still rolling. Talk about almost peeing on oneself and not being able to stop your hands from trembling. Man it sucked. Don't Do It Again.
5. Try to be a nicer person. It helps in the long run and you won't feel so embarrassed for throwing temper tantrums.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
A Little About Vanties
The other night I decided to take a trip to Walmart with my parents to kill some time. It was pretty late but because we are all a bunch of night owls during the weekends so we got up and headed there anyway. When we got there I decided that I wanted some new underwear, although I normally buy mine at Victorias Secrets, I was up for a bargain Oklahoma Style. With that said, I basically had no clue what I was looking at or where to go for the kind I like.
So I find some that look like they would do the job well and while I am looking, I hear "Can I help you with zumpthing baby?" In a Russianish accent. I look up and smile at the woman who asked me and tell her no thanks, laughing to myself because she just called me baby in Russian. I ponder some more as to whether or not I should make the purchase or wait until I make another trip to Tulsa and here she comes, showing me tiger striped thongs for a dollar which, after a little hesitation, I politely declined. Finally, as I am looking a little longer and this time picking out my sizes, she comes up again and tells me that "Zees vantiez are great!". She then pulls zees vanties out of a plastic container that zeey were in and proceeds to show me zee crotch zupport. This is when I almost lost it and died laughing because no one has ever shown me crotch support before. And by the way... what the hell is crotch support for??? Pretty sure mine is right where it needs to be and I need no zupport.
After this I am giggling to myself and she decides to break some rules for me and let me mix and match! So I got some white ones and black ones and purpley-blue ones. Her reasoning for this was: "Who buys vanties the zame color? It'z just rediculouz. Jeezzuusss".
And I agreed. No one in their right mind would ever buy vanties in the same color. So I this is when I laughed a lot. Then she laughed in Russian a lot and disappeared around the corner as I mix and matched my vanties and promised I wouldn't tell on her for letting me commit such a horrible crime in order to gain different colored vanties with crotch zupport.
So I find some that look like they would do the job well and while I am looking, I hear "Can I help you with zumpthing baby?" In a Russianish accent. I look up and smile at the woman who asked me and tell her no thanks, laughing to myself because she just called me baby in Russian. I ponder some more as to whether or not I should make the purchase or wait until I make another trip to Tulsa and here she comes, showing me tiger striped thongs for a dollar which, after a little hesitation, I politely declined. Finally, as I am looking a little longer and this time picking out my sizes, she comes up again and tells me that "Zees vantiez are great!". She then pulls zees vanties out of a plastic container that zeey were in and proceeds to show me zee crotch zupport. This is when I almost lost it and died laughing because no one has ever shown me crotch support before. And by the way... what the hell is crotch support for??? Pretty sure mine is right where it needs to be and I need no zupport.
After this I am giggling to myself and she decides to break some rules for me and let me mix and match! So I got some white ones and black ones and purpley-blue ones. Her reasoning for this was: "Who buys vanties the zame color? It'z just rediculouz. Jeezzuusss".
And I agreed. No one in their right mind would ever buy vanties in the same color. So I this is when I laughed a lot. Then she laughed in Russian a lot and disappeared around the corner as I mix and matched my vanties and promised I wouldn't tell on her for letting me commit such a horrible crime in order to gain different colored vanties with crotch zupport.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
A Little Bit about Balls and Boobs
Turns out I work for a tall, nasty, low-life, greasy, alcoholic, corrupt, thief of a man and by the end of this week I should know whether or not I really can move into that apartment or not. That's all I am going to get into on here. But to relieve some of the stress I have been carrying this week I decided to round up the fam damily and eat out. Then my sister and I made a little trip to Best Buy where I purchased this cd and this cd. I also played this amazing game on PSP that let me kick some big huge guys ass in kickboxing. I won three rounds until we had to leave and each round I imagined he was certain people who piss me off on a regular basis. Of course the first person I imagined was the nasty, low-life, corrupt, thief of a man that I have been working for. Man I want to kick him in the balls. And maybe punch him in the nose but since he is pretty tall and I don't know if I really can reach his nose with my fist, I can settle for a good kick in the nuts. Then, one day I can tell my grandkids of the glorious moment that involved my foot making prompt and considerably hard contact with my boss's nutsack and how much it changed my life. The moral of the story will be that it is ok to kick boys in the private if they steal. Because our tax money pays for that kind of behavior and it just isn't fair. So we deserve to have a good kick every once in awhile.
Cassi and I were in Best Buy after my dad came and broke into my car with his Slim Jim (this was the third time I had locked my keys in my car, and it has only been this car. No other car has caused me to lose my mind so much that I actually forget to pull them out of the ignition. Although I really do like this car. I would rather have problems with forgetting then problems with my transmission not shifting gears on the highway) and we passed a Michael Buble cd. Now as you can see from my previous musical purchases, Micheal Buble does not fall under a category that I would like. Sure, he is talented and all. I mean I sure as hell can't sound and dance exactly like Frank Sinatra, but I just can't stand him and honestly if I would have gotten another round of kick boxing in I probably would have imagined it being him whose ass I was kicking.
So I look over and say to Cassi, "Hey, it's Michael Bubble". Then she says "Noooo Amanda. It isn't Bubble, it's Bublaaaay". I pondered this for a moment and said "You know what? I like that better because then I get to say boob and boob is my favorite word. BOOB BOOB BOOB." And everyone in Best Buy looked at us for a second with "did she just say boob?" looks on their faces and then went about their business of buying their Bare Nakes Ladies, Beyonce, and Michael Buble cds. Because we were on the 'B' aisle.
Cassi and I were in Best Buy after my dad came and broke into my car with his Slim Jim (this was the third time I had locked my keys in my car, and it has only been this car. No other car has caused me to lose my mind so much that I actually forget to pull them out of the ignition. Although I really do like this car. I would rather have problems with forgetting then problems with my transmission not shifting gears on the highway) and we passed a Michael Buble cd. Now as you can see from my previous musical purchases, Micheal Buble does not fall under a category that I would like. Sure, he is talented and all. I mean I sure as hell can't sound and dance exactly like Frank Sinatra, but I just can't stand him and honestly if I would have gotten another round of kick boxing in I probably would have imagined it being him whose ass I was kicking.
So I look over and say to Cassi, "Hey, it's Michael Bubble". Then she says "Noooo Amanda. It isn't Bubble, it's Bublaaaay". I pondered this for a moment and said "You know what? I like that better because then I get to say boob and boob is my favorite word. BOOB BOOB BOOB." And everyone in Best Buy looked at us for a second with "did she just say boob?" looks on their faces and then went about their business of buying their Bare Nakes Ladies, Beyonce, and Michael Buble cds. Because we were on the 'B' aisle.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
First and Ten
I just got done watching the New Orleans/New England game and that in itself brings joy to my life. For one, Tom Brady is hot. For two, football season is on it's way and it is my favorite time of the year. I can't wait until the cool breeze, the leaves change colors, my birthday (haha), long-sleeved shirts and hoodies. I just can't wait.
Elevation
This has been a good week, much much better than last. I hated last week... there wasn't one good thing that happened I don't think. Maybe there was but I must have blocked it out because I hated every second of it so much.
Monday was the last day of my job. Man I hated it there so much, the only thing I liked about it was the drafting part. For some reason I like to draw maps and I like AutoCad (a computer mapping program that people spend years learning). I think I like it though because I know I am good at it, and the company I worked for was impressed at how fast I could get maps drawn, scaled, and plotted out. I always felt like I was an asset to the company when I had drafting to do. But most of the time I was answering the phone, faxing crap, or making copies or coffee. I hated making coffee... mostly because I don't think it is that hard to get off your ass and make your own. But I got stuck with that kind of work.
So yeah. Monday was my last day and my boss treated me to McAlisters (I don't know if I spelled that right) for lunch, and I love their tea so that was a good treat. Tuesday I looked for part time jobs with no luck and hung out for a little bit. It was good to have a day off during the week. I don't think I have taken off in at least a year, even in Phoenix and Philly I was busy doing something every day at the butt crack of dawn.
On wednesday I got up at 7:45 to get ready for my class at 9. I went to the school and noticed that no one was out, there was no one walking to class or driving around or anything. So I get out of my car as the clock is chiming 9 times (I have a habit of being late to class, even on the first day and during finals). I walk into the building to my class and there is still no one. So I look in the door and the lights are off and I think to myself "great, I am walking in during a power point thing". I peek into the window and there is absolutely no one in the freaking classroom. Then I am thinking to myself that I am in the wrong building. So I get out my schedule to make sure and walk over to the office that is at the bottom of the stairs. There is a note on the door saying that "Cassi" will be back later and the door is locked. Apparently Cassi is the one who runs the office. So I leave the building and I randomly start thinking about the Jimmy Eat World concert that was on the 17th, which also happened to be on a Wednesday. Then I remember that classes start the 18th. So basically I went to school a day early. How retarded am I!?Very. This is going to be an interesting semester if I can't even get the first day of school right. Geez. I laughed it off though, went home and slept for a little bit. Then my parents finally bought me my laptop which was supposed to be a Christmas present... yeah I got it a little late, but whatever.
So today I went to algebra and it was alright. I hate math with a burning passion, but I think I can pull this off. There was this poor kid in there though, man I felt bad for him but I laughed my ass off. So we took a test to see if we could test out of the class, I will find out this weekend if I did well enough on it. I didn't try too hard though, so I doubt it. But anyways, the test was like 60 questions and it took all hour long. Well at the end of the hour this guy walks up and starts asking the prof. about labs. She just stares at him and says that we don't have labs for this class. So he shows her his schedule and she is like, "umm this is Algebra... you are supposed to be in Biology." So he is all confused and she asked him why he stayed and took the test. He told her it was because he thought there was a lot of math in biology, so he just assumed she wanted to know how much we knew. Holy crap!!
There was a guy in there who was about 30 and he is laughing his ass off as well (I wasn't really laughing, I was too shocked) and he tells the kid that we are in room 255 and he is supposed to be next door in 256. It was so funny.
So now I am going to go play frisbee with my dog and then be lazy until I have to drive to Tulsa to get my check and go to the bank. I think I might be able to handle this whole school thing.
Monday was the last day of my job. Man I hated it there so much, the only thing I liked about it was the drafting part. For some reason I like to draw maps and I like AutoCad (a computer mapping program that people spend years learning). I think I like it though because I know I am good at it, and the company I worked for was impressed at how fast I could get maps drawn, scaled, and plotted out. I always felt like I was an asset to the company when I had drafting to do. But most of the time I was answering the phone, faxing crap, or making copies or coffee. I hated making coffee... mostly because I don't think it is that hard to get off your ass and make your own. But I got stuck with that kind of work.
So yeah. Monday was my last day and my boss treated me to McAlisters (I don't know if I spelled that right) for lunch, and I love their tea so that was a good treat. Tuesday I looked for part time jobs with no luck and hung out for a little bit. It was good to have a day off during the week. I don't think I have taken off in at least a year, even in Phoenix and Philly I was busy doing something every day at the butt crack of dawn.
On wednesday I got up at 7:45 to get ready for my class at 9. I went to the school and noticed that no one was out, there was no one walking to class or driving around or anything. So I get out of my car as the clock is chiming 9 times (I have a habit of being late to class, even on the first day and during finals). I walk into the building to my class and there is still no one. So I look in the door and the lights are off and I think to myself "great, I am walking in during a power point thing". I peek into the window and there is absolutely no one in the freaking classroom. Then I am thinking to myself that I am in the wrong building. So I get out my schedule to make sure and walk over to the office that is at the bottom of the stairs. There is a note on the door saying that "Cassi" will be back later and the door is locked. Apparently Cassi is the one who runs the office. So I leave the building and I randomly start thinking about the Jimmy Eat World concert that was on the 17th, which also happened to be on a Wednesday. Then I remember that classes start the 18th. So basically I went to school a day early. How retarded am I!?Very. This is going to be an interesting semester if I can't even get the first day of school right. Geez. I laughed it off though, went home and slept for a little bit. Then my parents finally bought me my laptop which was supposed to be a Christmas present... yeah I got it a little late, but whatever.
So today I went to algebra and it was alright. I hate math with a burning passion, but I think I can pull this off. There was this poor kid in there though, man I felt bad for him but I laughed my ass off. So we took a test to see if we could test out of the class, I will find out this weekend if I did well enough on it. I didn't try too hard though, so I doubt it. But anyways, the test was like 60 questions and it took all hour long. Well at the end of the hour this guy walks up and starts asking the prof. about labs. She just stares at him and says that we don't have labs for this class. So he shows her his schedule and she is like, "umm this is Algebra... you are supposed to be in Biology." So he is all confused and she asked him why he stayed and took the test. He told her it was because he thought there was a lot of math in biology, so he just assumed she wanted to know how much we knew. Holy crap!!
There was a guy in there who was about 30 and he is laughing his ass off as well (I wasn't really laughing, I was too shocked) and he tells the kid that we are in room 255 and he is supposed to be next door in 256. It was so funny.
So now I am going to go play frisbee with my dog and then be lazy until I have to drive to Tulsa to get my check and go to the bank. I think I might be able to handle this whole school thing.
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